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I don't know if any of my 'esteemed' colleagues are as well traveled as I am, so I will not assume that they also have convention floor tales to beguile and bemuse you all with, but hey, if they have them, they can post them.įor the record, even after all of this, I will still go to conventions all the time. Upon entry, scream BATMAN and bite your partner in the throat. Man-Bat That Ho: Duct tape lengths of styrofoam to your arms and dive from a considerable height with your partner's orifice as your target. Fuck your partner doggy-style, head first within the dryer. Throw a bunch of bottle caps in the dryer. Storm That Ho: Disassemble the safety mechanism in your clothes dryer that stops the spin when you open it. Martian Manhunter That Ho: Fuck your partner with a Swiss Army Knife. Guy Gardner That Ho: Put a paper bag over your partner's face, tape a picture of your face on that bag and fuck your partner in the ass in front of a mirror. You then instruct your partner to spit it back into your hand to repeat the process, much like the Batarang's returning motion. MATT'S CHILDISH LIST OF VULGAR/URBAN LEGEND SUPERHERO SEXUAL INTERCOURSE TECHNIQUES IN THE VEIN OF THE 'DIRTY SANCHEZ' AND 'DONKEY PUNCHING'īatman That Ho: This entails jizzing into your hand, swirling it around in your palm some, reaching back with said hand and pitching it into your partner's mouth. Plastic surgery isn't an option, so he opts to get beaten in the fucking face for two whole fucking days. The story begins with Teth laying shit out for you, (the JSA bits are lost on me) and promptly jumps to the here and now.īefore Teth can start his brutal quest, he must become unrecognizable to a world that wants his head on a pike.

I wish Marvel had fifteen of these dudes cloned and primed to write every mainstream title.

Tomasi and Doug Mahnke weave this manly tale of revenge wonderfully. To do so he will have to be the biggest asshole known to man. He simply wants to resurrect his dead wife and live out his days with her. His motivation in the mini-series isn't redemption. Somewhere along the line you lose your awesome power to kill everything and you now live in hiding because you're the biggest killer fuckin' ever. One of them gets loose and runs of, so you flip the fuck out and kill an entire goddamned country. Until the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that were manufactured by mad scientists on a Mad Scientist Island kill your family.

I had no fucking clue what was up with the Marvel Family, his association with the Suicide Squad or the JSA. If you have no prior knowledge of Black Adam aside from 52, this book is perfect.

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